Forever A Bookworm…Book Review

TITLE = “Love, Sex, and Your Heart”

Ever had one of those books that you picked up, read a few sentences and then had to put back down again? This has been that book for me.

I recently learned about this particular book from one of my trainers and because I have read other books by Lowen and highly admire his work in bioenergetics, I immediately tracked down a copy and began reading.

Although a bit technical, his writing style unfolds in a simple and straightforward manner that simultaneously maps out the complex energetic process to this whole idea of “love”.

Lowen believes that “love is at the heart of our life” (page 3). He goes on to say that love is not only a feeling but it is an actually physiological process too and that unless we begin to understand it at that level, we miss out on a lot that there is to know about the experience of love.

I was particularly struck by the way that he illustrates that energy (his word for this is “excitement”) is at the core of every person that is alive. He believes that as long as there is life, every cellular organism (from simple to complex) exists in some state of excitation.

He believes that this excitement can ebb and flow but is always present to some degree and is always visible in their physical body. And here is where it starts to get outstanding…

Lowen believed that whenever someone is in a pleasurable state of satisfaction and getting needs met, then their energy / life / excitement is expansive, they expand into more aliveness.

And whenever someone is in a distressed state in regards to not getting their needs met, their energy / aliveness / excitement is restrictive and they close down and become smaller.

Profound.

What a simple way to begin to learn more about whether or not we are really getting our needs met! Why not begin to ask the question of ourselves: do I feel myself expanding or more expansive and wanting to reach out into the world? Or do I feel myself restricted and wanting to hunker down and freeze up to the world.

Powerful.

Lowen goes on to illustrate what happens physiologically in our bodies around the experience of love.

He maps out this process energetically whenever we either (1) reach out into our environment and get our need for love met or (2) reach out into our environment and do not get our need for love met.

His explanation of this process makes sense on so many levels, as does his idea that love typically describes two different feelings, a conflicting experience that he believed was at the heart of many of the problems encountered in any discussion of love.

And I love this.

He says that whenever people say “love” they are often referring to one of two experiences, both originating from the heart. The first is a longing for closeness with someone that stems from an energy of need.

The other experience of love is a desire for closeness that stems from a fullness of heart.

Honestly. How unbelievably simple and profound.

Sit for a moment and consider these two different experiences in the context of one of your love relationships. Can you feel the difference?

I sure can.

Lowen does not offer bias or judgment towards anyone who longs for closeness from need, he merely says this is an indication that there is some healing still to do around one’s heartbreak from childhood.

I think this sounds pretty wise and a wonderful place to begin giving yourself love for exactly how you had to learn to organize in relation to your heart and your need for love.

And all this was before even getting to page 17 in the book.

So… if you’re looking for a deeper understanding of love, this is a technically profound story about how love shows up in our bodies as a physiological process and feeling.

It’s dense, but powerful. Take it at your own pace. And if you’re a client already and do decide to pick this up and read it, let me know what you think the next time we see each other.

And if you’re not yet a client, feel free to reach out to me directly by email: kate@kateschroederlpc.com and I’ll respond. I’d really love to hear what you think.

It’s fascinating stuff.